Dealing With Bias

After my first workout in months, I found myself in the locker room, getting my stuff, forced to listen to a ridiculous conversation between two older men.  It was about LSU football.  They spoke of a high-school running back who was going to sign with the Tigers but decided to look around at some other schools.  Their conclusion?  He is overrated and wouldn't amount to much anyway.  They then spoke of the quarterback that'll be on the team next year who is coming from a junior college.  I read about this guy in the paper this morning.  He was on the Georgia squad before he was kicked off the team because he plead guilty to fondling some girl in a bar.  What do the old guys in the gym think of him?  "Anybody could make an accusation that would cause trouble.  He probably didn't even do it.  I'm glad he's going to be on our team."  

Why are these two football players viewed differently?  One elevated, and the other scorned?  Simple unfiltered bias.  We all deal with it.  Some will act the chameleon and will be controlled by the biases of others.  Other people will not be driven by fear of man and will stick to the Truth regardless of the biases of others.  

The Bible has much to say about this.  From the Luke passage taught in our classes this Sunday: 

“Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! 

(Luke 6:22 ESV)

“Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets. 

(Luke 6:26 ESV)

May I live courageously for His glory when that stands in opposition to the approval of others.  

A Meaningful Life

A few months ago, I finished Donald Miller's A Million Miles In A Thousand Years.  I talked about it with a friend at the time and then, like most things, I didn't think about it much anymore.  Then, that friend emailed me about it today.  Sorting back through the book, I was reminded of some significant things within it.  Here's one of those excerpts.

"If you watched a movie about a guy who wanted a Volvo and worked for years to get it, you wouldn't cry at the end when he drove off the lot, testing the windshield wipers.  You wouldn't tell your friends you saw a beautiful movie or go home and put a record on to think about the story you'd seen.  The truth is, you wouldn't remember that movie a week later, except you'd feel robbed and want your money back.  Nobody cries at the end of a movie about a guy who wants a Volvo.

But we spend years actually living those stories, and expect our lives to feel meaningful.  The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won't make a story meaningful, it won't make a life meaningful either."  

Proud of God

So, like I said in an earlier post, Karoline made the performance dance team.  I learned later on that she was a "Level 2" dancer.  That means she isn't as good as the "Level 3" dancers.  While never complaining, I knew it bothered her.  Her cousins and friends were all "Level 3".  She worked hard...stretching and dancing in most of her free time.

Then, one afternoon she got the message.  She was being moved up.  Promoted.  She improved to "Level 3".  She now dances with her friends and cousins.

What's so interesting to me is how she responded.  Feeling great about what had happened, but not wanting to fall victim to pride, she weighed her words and with a huge smile on her face, she told me she was "proud of God" for allowing her to move up.

That "proud of God" comment...dang.  That chokes me up.

Expanding Family

Years ago, Meredith and I made the decision to not have more than two children.  We've constantly felt blessed to have two great kids.  However, there have been times when I wondered what it would have been like to have more.  Meredith, who pukes her guts out for 9 months of pregnancy has thought about it less than I have.

Before our kids were born, we had two dogs, both of them Westies (Duncan and Macduff).  As we all moved through life together, and our lives got busier, and our money grew thinner, and the dogs got older and became more expensive, I made the decision to get rid of them.  We gave them to a couple who have literally spent thousands of dollars ensuring their welfare.  It was a tough decision made years ago.  Michael still prays for those dogs.  I've wondered what our life would be like with them still in our lives.

And then, God graciously gives us a small taste.  Within the last few months, our family has expanded.  No, Meredith didn't get pregnant (that would be Biblical Mary-like).  We have "adopted" another "child" for a few months.  She's actually a full-fledged adult finishing college.  She does fill up a room and requires her share of bathroom time though.  Her name is Leah...because that's what her parents named her.

Not long before Leah joined us, we adopted a dog...a Westie.  Found by some friends who couldn't keep him, we took him in.  He was matted and full of fleas.  Now, he's part of the family.  His name is Luther...because of Martin Luther and Martin Luther King Jr. and Luther of the kid's show "Zeke and Luther" and because of Luther Vandross.

Leah's not really our child.  Luther is not Duncan or Macduff.  But I'm thankful that God would be so graceful to send them our way.  We love them both.

Preparing For The Inevitable

As we've watched our kids grow over the past few years, we knew that a time was coming when they would pare down their activities and focus on only a couple.  A few months ago, Karoline decided that she wanted to dance.  Not being a great dancer, she had a lot of work to do in preparation for the tryouts that came a couple of days ago.  So, she doggedly went after it.  I bought some wood so the multi-purpose room in our house could also receive the role of dance studio, and every time Karoline had any free time, she was in there.  She stretched, worked and anticipated the upcoming tryouts.

The dance team that she wanted to be a part of isn't church-league softball, where everyone gets to play.  The tryouts are real, and historically, some girls don't make it.  At the beginning of the summer (months away from tryouts), I realized the urgency of instilling identity and value into her.  Yes, it's something I've always prioritized as a dad, but it was time to turn the volume up on that.  Therefore, the summer was filled with "daddy-daughter time" and a constant flow of words from me telling her how valuable she is, how beautiful she is, and how special God created her.

I did all of those things anticipating the very real possibility of  Karoline experiencing rejection.  As it turns out, she made the team.  However, I'm going to keep the volume up on building into my daughter because I know that rejection is inevitable.  There will be boys and teams and "friends" that will challenge her view of herself.  When (not if) rejection comes, I hope she lays in bed at night knowing who she really is.  I'm doing more than hoping for that, I'm working for that.

Not In Control

A good friend of mine called last night.  After much effort and prayer, he and his wife had their first child.  Then, while still in the hospital his wife is diagnosed with advanced leukemia.  Diagnosis yesterday, chemo today.  She'll be in the hospital for at least 21 days, unable to see their newborn.  

On the same day his wife is diagnosed with leukemia, his brother has brain surgery.  Wow.  

As I'm talking with my friend, another friend of mine is beeping in.  I don't answer but call him back.  He was calling to tell me that his toddler inhaled some "foreign matter" and is having to go under anesthesia and have it removed.  Wow.  

You can take away a lot from these revelations.  One thing I know for sure..we are absolutely not in control.

Growing Up

Just the other day I ran into someone that I haven't seen in 16+ years.  We spent a few minutes re-connecting about our lives and about other people we have in common.  Then she said, "I guess we all had to grow up sometime."  I agreed and we went about our separate ways.  Later that day, I began to wonder who she was talking about?  Herself, the people we have in common, or me?  She was probably talking about all of the above, but I hope she was talking about me.  As I consider a lot of the choices I was making 16 years ago...I hope she was talking about me.

Reconnecting

I had lunch with a friend from my church today.  He's been going through a difficult divorce, and through all of the pain, he pulled away over the past few months.  Even though I knew about the struggles he was facing, as he pulled away, I neglected to pursue him.  We talked openly about all of that, and I gave him an honest excuse for my part.  I told him about how my schedule was full of meetings with people that were seeking to meet with me.  His response was, "Yeah, but the people who pull away are the ones that are hurting the most."  He's right.  So, after that conversation, I'm left reconsidering my time and priorities, who I available for and who I'm not.  I'm also rethinking about how we "do community" at Istrouma.  It was a great lunch.  I'm thankful for my friend, our God, and how I've reconnected with my calling to walk alongside people going through difficult seasons.

Go Day Part 2

As we sought to serve Baton Rouge, my team split up and tackled 3 projects.  We tackled overgrown lawns of two of our widows because we need to begin with those in our household (Gal 6:10).  I primarily worked with my kids and two of their friends cleaning up an overpass in the neighborhood adjacent to our church.  If we miss the people next door, we've missed everything.  Many people, from the neighborhood, waved and shouted their thanks out of their car windows.  Some people stopped to thank us for our small sacrifice, and we got to point to the big sacrifice of Christ.  It was a GREAT day!

GO Day

Tomorrow our church is embarking on what we are calling "Go Day".  Instead of holding our regularly scheduled worship service and Sunday morning classes, we are going out into the surrounding community to serve others.  The tag line for this is, "Don't just go to church, go BE the church."  In anticipation for the event, here are some things that I like about it already:

It forces us to challenge our presuppositions about what "church" really is.

Because it's not regularly scheduled, I've had lots of Christ-centered interactions with people I don't normally come in contact with when I'm living out my "regular schedule".

"Go Day" has prompted many to see ideas of how they can serve others outside of this morning, which means that this event is serving as a catalyst for ongoing ministry.

Families will do this TOGETHER.

My kids are excited about it.  They can't wait to paint over some graffiti under an overpass near our church tomorrow.  It's going to be a good memory.

The Spiritual Discipline of Yard Work

Having a large annoying gum ball tree in the front yard and other more pleasant trees around the house, I got way behind in getting the yard cleaned up. So, yesterday, I spent 4+ hours getting it done. The kids helped me for two of those hours, and it was a good time for all of us...really. They did great...we worked together...accomplished a lot.

The last two hours was just me. Undistracted, all other sounds muffled by the engine of the lawn mower, I finished the job. The best part of it all was the solitude and reflection that comes with standing behind a lawn mower. Sure, this was just a couple of hours, but I needed it more than I realized. It energized me.

Coming off a crazy few days dealing with a lot of "noise", the yard work cleared my head. Since then, I feel more "present" with the people I am around. A while back I heard someone say, "You can't truly be with other people if you can't be by yourself." There's truth in that. It's in being by yourself that we realize we are really never alone. But, that's a whole other topic.

Children's Ministry

It's been a while since I have been able to write anything. It's just been one of those seasons where there is little margin to get to any sort of reflection. However, along the way, over the past few weeks, I have had great moments of increased thanksgiving.

My decreased "margin" and increased thanksgiving come by way of me standing in the gap of our children's ministry. Our children's minister resigned, and we were fortunate enough to find a great person to continue the work. However, there is that gap of a few weeks where someone has to take point, and that has been me.

Children's ministry is so heavy with administrative tasks and details. Visions of supply closets keep me up at night. However, teaching kids God's Word, talking to parents about real issues of life, high-fiving fifth graders, and feeling 3 year olds hug my shins are things that make it all worth it.

Children's ministers have great jobs! While I no longer will be "on point", I am going to look hard for ways to stay involved. The work is hard, but the rewards are awesome.

Significant Time

A couple of days ago, I received a great email from Amy, who I consider to be a great friend. Amy was in my student ministry years ago, and she is now in NYC doing great things. Outside of the random, "we are both in Dallas, so lets catch up" occurrences, we touch base via facebook and email. We don't correspond regularly. However, she will always be one of those significant friends in my life.

Significant because there is so much good in her and because of the significant time we spent working life out. Great conversations ensued about God, church, family, authenticity, hypocrisy, meaning, purpose, forgiveness and grace.

Blessed again, today, I received a phone call from Craig, who I haven't heard from in a while. Craig is another one of those friends who, like Amy, shared real life with me. Together, we worked out many of the same things in the context of ministry and fatherhood.

Wrestling through those topics with others are gifts from God, and I'm convinced that we too often take those opportunities for granted. It's so easy to live our lives "being productive" and "getting through the day," that we ultimately miss the heart of the people right in front of us. Worse than that, we don't cultivate our own heart, and we become emotionally numb. Without correcting that way of living, we end up with lots of acquaintances, but with no REAL friends.

So, as a result of an email and phone call, I thank God for Amy and Craig and others just like them. I'm thankful for all the people who God has used to shape me. I'm also re-energized to evaluate my time, shifting more of it away from the urgent, and onto the significant. Life really is too short to do otherwise.

Making Memories

I just finished Donald Miller's, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years. It was a good read, and I recommend it. Somewhere in that book he wrote of the value of the "setting" of our life's story. As when we remember scenes from a movie, we may not remember what was being spoken, but we do remember the scene. The main point of this portion of Miller's book is that it is important to get out of the routine settings of our life to make memories. Setting is important.

With that in mind, I took Michael deer hunting last weekend. I hardly ever hunt...only when someone makes the opportunity available and I can make the time. Michael has never been hunting. We went and had a great time sitting in the stand together. I didn't care if we didn't even see a deer. The experience was the goal.

But then we did see a deer (a nice 5 point) and "we" shot it. Our setting moved from the stand into the woods where we found him dead. We drug him out, harvested the meat, and took his head home. Then our setting changed again to the back yard, where we boiled the deer head, preparing a "European skull mount".

All of this has been a great scene that we'll never forget. Good times...

Learning Contentment 2

Thanks to all for the emails and input. From conversations with you and from listening to others, I've worked out some of what it means to learn contentment. If you are interested in the message, then go to: http://istrouma.org/mediaplayer_1 and click on "sermon series" and then go to the sermon on 12/27/09.